Meemaw.

My grandmother passed away on Tuesday. The truth is, I think it was a freeing thing for her to go.

Yesterday, I was thinking about Meemaw, the one that was here when I was a kid, before dementia and Alzheimer's and strokes and those things. She was marvelous.

I was thinking about this one purse I have. It is white, and it is made up of little pieces of metal. Like armor, kind of. It used to be in my grandmother's closet. She had an incredible walk-in closet that went back clear to the wall, and some days––only some days––she would let me have a fashion show. I would try on her shoes and her purses and her necklaces and walk the runway of that walk-in closet. We would giggle and then sit on her bed, looking at the pictures above it, one of every grandchild.

More often, when we didn't fashion show, we played a game of Meemaw's own invention. There was a looooooong hallway behind the kitchen. At one end Meemaw would set a basket. At the other were Meemaw, Logan, and me. (Me a little closer because I was the smallest.) Meemaw gathered every clean pair of socks she could find, and we played a simple tossing game, points for sinking a sock into the basket. Looking back it seems like that would have bored me to death, but Meemaw made it fun.

She was a special lady, and she loved us so much. She made such a big deal out of her grandchildren, whether it was reading us stories or making us a pallet on the floor out of blankets, she always did so many extra things to make our time at her house special. She made skillet cornbread and Mississippi mud pie and lasagna, and her freezer always always always had chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. And she always always always made us ask Momma before having a bowl.

Want to know the best part? Whenever I would go over to my grandparents' house for dinner, no matter what she was serving, Meemaw would cook me one individual twice baked potato. Because they were my favorite. That's love.

She was a dream and a half, Vira Kennedy. And I'm glad she's free and with the Lord.

Here is her obituary. It makes me very happy: Meemaw's Obituary.

BBL.

That's right. I am blogging again, for the second time in one day. What of it?

I decided I needed a list. I needed a list, and I need [you] to know about it. Whoever [you] may be. This list is my Being Becca List. Is there a word for list that starts with a B? Because I love alliteration. That is part of being Becca. I looked list up in the thesaurus. No Bs.
So, I am realizing that I waste a lot of my days. Some days I am listless or tired. Some days I am just lazy. But. I really want to remember this time. And I want this time to have been great. So I am making a list committed to doing me and to making me do me. Please don't make fun of me for how lame this probably is.

Being Becca List.
1. Take pictures. I think I might try to start taking at least one picture a day. So that I can remember.
2. Exercise. This is just because I am not feeling healthy lately, so I want to do better.
3. Blog more. Not for you, silly goose. I like to get my ideas out, and to say a few things, so I am going to start blogging just to say regular things.
4. Pray.

Maybe this is not an amazing list to you. It is not an amazing list to me either. But I think in lists, and lists help me think. And there is that, my friend.
Here's my dinner.

The end.

Tuesday, 2/19

Good Morning.

I am at JJ's again. I love this place. I paid the meter this time, which is something I almost never do. I'm about to begin doing homework. I have a lot.
I went home this past weekend and it was a delightful delight. Mostly I got to hang out with my best friend Taylor. I am her best friend, too, in case you were wondering. But so is her stuffed giraffe named Shadow, and the alligator she sat on at the library named Shadow, and her van named Shadow. I am probably her best friend that is not named Shadow. But actually probably not. She is pretty popular for a two-and-a-half-year-old. But I am honored that she usually remembers the difference between me and Haha, and that before I come she worries over whether or not I will be wearing glasses.
You probably don't understand how much I love that little piece of pumpkin pie.
Also, I saw her parents, and we played a Sherlock Holmes game. Also, I saw my parents and my brother and my church, and my friend Kristin Riley. It was all around a good stay. I saw my grandma, but she was very, very sick. That was the sad part of being home. But it will be okay. She is doing much better today.
Yesterday I pretty much entirely missed my half birthday. But, I woke up happy this morning. And rested. I love that feeling. I wish I spoke Spanish entirely fluently. I am very jealous of those guys who do.

See you all next time.

BMK

This is Just to Say.

Here are some things!

I planned a great prank this week. What you do is you go to someone's computer who is writing a paper and you change a bunch of the words to other words that won't show up with a red squiggle under them. For example, "One small example of how these premises will morph to fit our future needs..." equals, "One smell experiment of how theses promises will mufasa to fir our feature needs..." Only, Mufasa will probably get underlined and blow your whole cover. But he's worth it.

Another thing I thought of is a Lenten season movie. It is a comedy to bring some levity to the somber season. It features Danny Kaye as a deacon who misplaces the palm leaves from the previous Palm Sunday, so he is running around trying to find something similar to burn. But, his overseeing priest, Bing Crosby, is inconveniently always around. Then they both find love and the palm leaves, but only Danny can get married. But Bing finds solace in song. And Jimmy Stewart is there giving one of his loving monologues to a girl. "It-it-it's like you bathe in holy water, Mary. I can feel it when I touch your fingers and y-your hair, and I can see it in your eyeballs. I love you, Mary. Oh goldarn this Lenten season! Just kiss me, Mary."
(Sorry if I overindulged myself on that one. I really like those three guys.)

On a similar note, I went to Ash Wednesday mass yesterday. I really enjoyed it. A song we sang said something like this, "More sparing let us make the words we speak, the food we take." I had not thought of Lent as a time to make our words more sparing, but I think it is a beautiful idea. I am trying to ascribe to that, but we all know how hard that is for me. I think it would be a lovely way to celebrate. Silence is careful and special. But mostly it feels scary for me.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Friday at 4:59 PM.

"Tears will flow, I'll beat myself, but I'm too proud to ever change."
This is from a good song I know. Sometimes it is how I feel about my behavior. I regret things so much, and mourn over what I have done, but I don't so much change or get better.
Not always. Sometimes I do great.
I was just thinking about the times I don't do great whilst listening to this little ditty.
Why is it so hard sometimes to love people that you love so much?
How come the one thing you don't want to say comes out anyway?
How come you convince yourself not to trust people that you want to?
This makes me sound sadder than I am.
I'm actually pretty happy right now, just real tired. Gotta get some sleeps. It's okay. I also need to stop feeling so many feels. But ya know, sometimes there's a lot of feels to feel!
If you want to know more from that song here's some: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJ-PkkdC7oA

An Open Letter to Everyone at JJ's this Morning, January 15th

Hello all,

It is so nice to be able to address you all in this moment that we are sharing. To tell you the truth, this is not the letter I'm meant to be writing. I came here with the intention of writing a missions support letter to ask people that I know to give me money and prayer so that I can go to Kenya.
However, as much as I need to write that letter, I felt the much more pressing need to take a moment to stop and let you all know how I feel.
To the man who was sitting in the corner table--I'm sorry that when you got up to get a refill I stole your table. The truth is the outlet is next to this table and I plan on being here for quite some time. You were quite kind not to make a stir when you saw me sit down. Some future advice: I would just leave your large leather bag at the table when you go to the counter. People will probably not steal it, and if they do, they will have to walk past you to get out of here anyway, and that will be very awkward for them.
To whomever is wearing perfume--I like your perfume. It has a very feminine smell. The only problem is that it smells quite different than my coffee and is completely throwing off my senses. Nonetheless, you are appreciated.
To the pretty Asian lady who found my seventy-five dollar check on the ground and took the time to walk around to every table and ask if the check looked familiar--Thank you. You are a very kind woman, and you did me a huge favor today. Please know that you are beautiful and continue to go out of your way to do such kind things. I will do my best to do so, too.
To the Spanish tutor sitting next to me teaching a young man the language--Your Spanish is beautiful. Thank you for speaking it near to me. The rhythm and the flow and the richness of your words is delicate and musical. I almost want to turn of my music and merely listen to your voice.
To all of you--I genuinely appreciate that I can trust you all not to steal my laptop when I have to go to the restroom. You are a kind people and I am honored to know you.
Also, if you do happen to want to give money to my missions trip that would be great. You can do this at choosetoinvest.org. I hope you have a blessed day; you have blessed mine.

Sincerely,
Ponytail Girl in the Back Corner

Greek Stuff, Guys!

So, I had to do this project for my Greek class. And we had to pick an avenue in which to use our exegetical insights from translating in a regular setting. So I used my blog as my setting. And I figured I may as well post it here. I had a lot of fun doing it. I hope you enjoy it!


       In Him also, having heard the Word that is Truth, the good news of y’all’s salvation, and having believed in Him, y’all were sealed for redemption through which you become God’s property for praise of His glory by the Holy Spirit of promise Who is the down payment of our inheritance.

Ephesians 1:13-14, BKT*

            So, my Greek class recently studied some verses from Ephesians 1. We had to translate them and annotate them, basically back up why we translated stuff the way we did. And in doing this some beautiful ideas in this passage really jumped out at me. Sometimes, knowing the Greek doesn’t exactly rock my world, but there are a lot of things in studying Greek that can make passages so much more rich. There are three things from this passage that I want to talk about.

            1. Y’all were sealed for redemption. Redemption is a very powerful word, and I think a lot of times our eyes and hearts jump to it and feel it deeply, but when I was looking at the Greek, the word for sealed is the one that added another layer to the verse. The word is σφραγίζω (sphragizo), meaning “to mark with a seal as a means of identification.” I think this word adds a lot of depth to the verse. The definition says that we are marked, that something differentiates us as the ones who are to be redeemed. We are identified by this mark. I think this word smacks of predestination. Of course, I wouldn’t take this tiny nuance in itself to prove the whole of this idea, but in the context of the rest of the Bible, and especially in the context of the rest of Ephesians 1, I think it’s a valid thing to pick up on. We are marked, chosen, identified, as those who are to be redeemed. How comforting is this idea?

            2 Redemption through which you become God’s property. This phrase is exactly how the Greek smarties who compiled a giant lexicon called the BDAG translated these words. I think this phrase is such an interesting and telling one. A lot of times we think of being redeemed as receiving freedom or being  brought from slavery to sin into liberty. But this verse says that we are being redeemed in order to be owned. This brought my mind to the Exodus. In Exodus 7:16 (and about 15 other times in the book), God says, “Let my people go that they may serve me in the wilderness.” As I was reading through Exodus recently, I underlined this sentence just about every time I saw it. Free my people so they can serve Me, God is saying. This gets to the heart of the Exodus. So many people interpret the event as God’s hatred of unjust social practices or of His passion for liberty, all of which are things I believe God values highly, but what I believe God values more highly is His own glory. Because, first, God’s passion throughout the Bible is for His own name, and second, as I’ve said again and again before, He wants the best for us, and the best for us is to be a part of glorifying Him.

            This idea is probably really unattractive to some people. They want freedom, liberation; they do not want to be owned, but Scripture chants to us: Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty! Thinking about this “owned-ness” that we are redeemed to, I also recalled another passage we translated in Greek class, some verses from John1. This verse says, “He came to His own things, and His own people did not receive Him.” BKT.* That “His own” is the Greek word ἰδοὺ, meaning “one’s own.” I think these two verses taken together paint such a beautiful picture of redemption. We were God’s own, but we rejected our owned-ness. We chose to depart from being owned into our own interpretations of liberty. But in response to our rejection, Christ died to redeem us to be owned again. We’ve been sealed, marked, and identified to be redeemed for refusing to be God’s own. We are redeemed into owned-ness!

            3. The Holy Spirit Who is the down payment of our inheritance. The word down payment comes from the Greek word ἀρραβὼν which literally means, “payment of part of a purchase price in advance.” In one word, that’s a down payment. So let’s look closely at this phrase. The Holy Spirit is the down payment of our inheritance. The Holy Spirit is the down payment of our inheritance. Seriously? The Holy Spirit, the expression of God given to believers is just the down payment of our inheritance? I mean, down payments are just a part of a larger sum, and usually a really small part at that. But to think that the Holy Spirit is just a small percentage of the inheritance that we await blows my mind. Because that’s just a really good first taste.

            If the Holy Spirit is just a small part of what I am to receive, I am so looking forward to the rest of that package. I think, too, that this echoes an idea that we see throughout Scripture and especially in Hebrews. Our inheritance is not something. It is not crowns in heaven, or a nice mansion next to Peter’s. Our inheritance is God Himself! If the down payment of our inheritance is the constant presence of God, then the entirety of our inheritance must be the fullness of Him! And that is excellent news. What we have to look forward to is both to know YHWH more fully as we walk with His Spirit here on earth, AND to know Him completely in heaven! We will no longer see dimly in a mirror, the veil shall be gone; we shall know our bridegroom in full! How wonderful and terrifying it will to be to receive the rest of our inheritance!

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* Becca Kennedy Translation

* Becca Kennedy Translation