Monday, January 31, 2011

Heavy & Many.

There are a lot of trials today.
I have so many people on my heart.
I'm reminded of the heaviness of so many people's burdens, so many of my people's burdens.
Trials are heavy and many.

And also, I am reminded of the heaviness of my failures.
So many times I have chosen to hurt people when I could have chosen to love.
So many times I have chosen to break people when I could have built them up.
So many times I have chosen uncleanness over purity, cruelty over love, rebellion over submission.
My failures are heavy and many.

Today, my grandpa is moving. He is moving to the nursing care part of the retirement home he lives in. When he moves to nursing care, he can no longer live with my grandma, his wife of sixty-odd years.
They love each other. A lot of the the time, they suck at showing each other that, but they love each other with a love beyond what I can say. They have been married for three times as long as I have been alive. They depend on each other, but they've gotten to the point where they can't support their own selves anymore, much less one another.
They are tired.
But today, my mom and dad have to move my grandpa from the hospital where he has been staying since something happened last week that caused his health and awareness to decline immensely. I don't know how my parents do it.
They have been so faithful to Meemaw and Peepaw.
My mother takes care of them so well. She cares so well. She is a person who gives so much of herself, but she doesn't even realize how much she gives. She doesn't really think about it. The natural response for her is to care, and to give of herself, and to serve. She doesn't realize how beautifully sacrificial she is.
My dad has been there for them so much. He has had to make decisions for them, uncomfortable decisions that have upset them. He has been willing to do what is best for them even when it hurt, even when they weren't happy about it, even when it felt too heavy to bear. He has loved them in one of the hardest ways to love.
My grandpa, needless to say, is not happy about moving. But this is something else that my parents will do for his good. Because their love is so strong.

I have them on my heart today. And so many other people, too.
I want to do something, to lift them, to be there. For all of them.
But I'm not. So I'm here, blogging.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Paint My Spirit Gold.

Sometimes I am sad, and sometimes I am happy.
Regardless, I am almost always being.
Except when I'm not.
Profound, right?
But that's okay.

I hope you are feeling blessed today.
Want to know what's been in my head all day?

Praise Him,
Praise Him,
Praise Him in the morning,
Praise Him in the noontime,
Praise Him,
Praise Him,
Praise Him when the sun goes down.

Except in little foreign baby voices. There is a version that occurs in the movie The Darjeeling Limited that is some India babies singing it.

I think it is in my head mostly because I listened to it this morning.
But also because the thing I want to do with my life is teach babies from another country to praise Him.

Don't you want to, too?

Saturday, January 22, 2011

And Tasty, Too!

Something cool that Ezekiel did was eat a scroll.
(We are talking about the kind of Ezekiel that is in the Bible.)
He was having a vision, the way that prophets do, and God said, "Eat this scroll, and go, speak to the house of Israel."
The next verse says, "So I opened my mouth, and He gave me this scroll to eat."
He just ate it. I like that Ezekiel wasn't like, "What in the dickens are you talking about?" or, "Can you pass the salt?" (I apologize for that stupid joke. My head hurts, if that explains the lack of hilarity.) Anyways, I like that he just said, as if it were the most matter-of-fact thing in the world, "Then I ate it." Then again, I guess if you are staring God's splendor full in the face, you pretty much eat whatever He says to.

Anyway. My favorite part is when Ezekiel says, "Then I ate it, and it was in my mouth as sweet as honey."
For the record, the scroll was a scroll that talked about God's wrath and judgment. But the truth and the holiness and the purity of it was sweet. Because what God does is good.
Ezekiel delighted in God's word. He did it in a bit of a different way than I'm looking to, but he delighted.
I would quite like to delight in the law of the Lord, in the judgment of the Lord, in the mercy of the Lord, but a lot of times, my spirit is too sleepy to feel much of anything.

Restore to me the joy of my salvation.
Remember that kid who ate Maurice Sendak's picture? I want to be that kid about scripture.
She saw it, she loved it, she ate it.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Upon My Return.

Can I tell you something?
I love, love, lovelovelove, school. And learning. And reading.
It just gives me joy straight to my bones.
That is why I am a teense giddy tonight. Classes start tomorrow! That is
                                                                                                                    beyond incredible to                                                                                                                         me.

Plus also, I am so excited about my classes this semester.
Ancient World. This class is going to be a really big challenge. I can already tell. But I have also heard so many good things about the professor and his teaching style. We're reading things by Plato and Socrates, and, oh, you know, the Iliad. I'm taking this one with my friend Emily, who I think is just a star.
World Religions. I'm excited about that one, too. I just know it's going to line up so well with what I want to do with my life. See, I'm gonna be in the world, and I'll be dealing with religion, so, you see the connection.
British Lit. Also known as my favorite thing in the world.
Theories of Writing. Most of you who read this probably already know how very very much I love to write. I'm so ready to hone and develop those skills.
Math. Eh. Not my strong suit. But I am so determined to do well in this class. It's not calculus, and I just feel so sure that it's going to be something I can wrap my head around. I am confident in me! (Thanks Julie Andrews.)

Also, may I tell you about my pleasure reading list I am determined to make time for this semester?
Why thank you.
1. The Catcher in the Rye. J.D. Salinger.
2. Of Mice and Men. John Steinbeck.
3. Radical. David Platt. (I know, everyone's doing it, right?)
4. Woody Allen: A Biography. Eric Lax.
This list is very exciting to me, I tell you.

More cool news: Today, in the mail, I got a subpoena! Bet that wasn't what you were expecting. Perhaps you remember this little incident, no? Well I do, and so does the state of Tennessee. I actually don't think it was technically a subpoena, but it referred to a subpoena that I might receive. That's right, internet, I may testify in court. Just exactly like Law & Order. I hope I do, honestly. People should not drive drunk. The girl nearly killed us.

It's been really good to be back. I've been getting to spend some excellent quality time with my school friends. I kind of forgot how much I like them. I'm really thankful for every one of them, and for how much like home these last few days have felt. My friends, I think, are beautiful. Here is something, though, that I am determined to do this semester: find a Bible study. I really need to have Jesus poured into me, and to pour Him into others. It gets dark without Him. If you want to, you can pray for me to find one. I'd love you forever and ever.

Well, I've got to get to bed. School in the morning!
Goodnight, and good luck.

P.S. Here is something I want you to think about: Leon. More on that later.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Good Old Golden Rule Days.

Hi! Well, I am back at Belmont now with a new semester about to begin. I am so, so very excited about starting classes. I love being in school. Which perhaps makes me a dork.
So, Here's my schedule. For free and everything.

9-9:50. Math.
1-1:50. World Religions.
2-2:50. British Lit.

9:30-10:50. Math.
11-12:15. Ancient World.
12:30-1:45. Theories of Writing.

9-9:50. Math.
11-11:50. Ancient World.
1-1:50. World Religions.
2-2:50. British Lit.

11-12:15. Ancient World.
12:30-1:45. Theories of Writing.

9-9:50. Math.
11-11:50. Ancient World.
1-1:50. World Religions.
2-2:50. British Lit.

Boom Shacka Lacka.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

And We'll Talk in Present Tenses.

I've been thinking about that one Joni Mitchell song, Chelsea Morning a lot lately. Particularly because of the line that is also the title of this here blog.
Here's another bit of that song that tells me how I feel.
"Oh, won't you stay? We'll put on the day, and we'll wear it til the night comes."

So, subject change.
I'm watching a television program called Sister Wives. It is making me want to be physically sick. It is about four women who are married to the same man. They sit there and talk about their problems and their insecurities. They fault themselves on their jealousy issues. They are all married to one man. The jealousy issues are not the problem, perhaps the sanity issues. I just don't understand these people. There's no way to deepen your insecurities like, oh, I don't know, letting your husband marry three other women.
Wait--this just in. The man just said it would be vulgar were the first wife to have another husband.

There was a commercial for a metal detector. The man said, "My wife always said I should get a hobby. She's proud of the weight I've lost, but she's really proud of this." He then proceeded to display a totally awesome ring that he was sweet enough to dig out of the ground for his almost certainly lovely wife. Cool. Weight loss and love. All in one. Score.

Maybe this is how I feel: