Heavy & Many.

There are a lot of trials today.
I have so many people on my heart.
I'm reminded of the heaviness of so many people's burdens, so many of my people's burdens.
Trials are heavy and many.

And also, I am reminded of the heaviness of my failures.
So many times I have chosen to hurt people when I could have chosen to love.
So many times I have chosen to break people when I could have built them up.
So many times I have chosen uncleanness over purity, cruelty over love, rebellion over submission.
My failures are heavy and many.

Today, my grandpa is moving. He is moving to the nursing care part of the retirement home he lives in. When he moves to nursing care, he can no longer live with my grandma, his wife of sixty-odd years.
They love each other. A lot of the the time, they suck at showing each other that, but they love each other with a love beyond what I can say. They have been married for three times as long as I have been alive. They depend on each other, but they've gotten to the point where they can't support their own selves anymore, much less one another.
They are tired.
But today, my mom and dad have to move my grandpa from the hospital where he has been staying since something happened last week that caused his health and awareness to decline immensely. I don't know how my parents do it.
They have been so faithful to Meemaw and Peepaw.
My mother takes care of them so well. She cares so well. She is a person who gives so much of herself, but she doesn't even realize how much she gives. She doesn't really think about it. The natural response for her is to care, and to give of herself, and to serve. She doesn't realize how beautifully sacrificial she is.
My dad has been there for them so much. He has had to make decisions for them, uncomfortable decisions that have upset them. He has been willing to do what is best for them even when it hurt, even when they weren't happy about it, even when it felt too heavy to bear. He has loved them in one of the hardest ways to love.
My grandpa, needless to say, is not happy about moving. But this is something else that my parents will do for his good. Because their love is so strong.

I have them on my heart today. And so many other people, too.
I want to do something, to lift them, to be there. For all of them.
But I'm not. So I'm here, blogging.