Homeward, These Shoes.

Sometimes, I google earth my house.

That was just a little confession.

But here's the great news: I'm coming home! For the last week or so, pretty much every song that has flitted through my head has been about home. And my dreams, too. It's like thoughts of home are tangled in my hair, and they just keep slipping back through into my brains.

What I'm saying is there's been a lot of Iron & Wine in me.

Like "Homeward, These Shoes" and "Love Vigilantes".

And "Paint Me a Birmingham," but you don't need to know about that.

Things at home that I can't wait for:

1. Hugs. I really miss knowing people well enough to do hugs.

2. SMI. I miss my family there. Church is not the same without them.

3. Watching football with my dad.

4. Target. They have them here, but it's just not the same without Haley.

5. Eating dinner with my family. That my mom cooked.

6. Jonathan and Kristin Owen. And that kid of theirs.

7. Driving in Birmingham. And being able to park. Somebody should tell Nashville about parking lots.

8. Having real conversation with home people. Talking on the phone is kind of iffy for me. And skype is just weird.

9. Comfort. Don't seek comfort. But hey, it's nice sometimes.

Here is what I am up to:

We played intramural kickball. We dominated in spirit. (In reality we lost 20-1.)
I went to a movie. It was expensive and ehhhh.
I had a chemistry test. Still no idea how I did.
I have to memorize the Apostle's and Nicene Creeds by Wednesday. Too bad I didn't grow up Methodist.
I watch Alabama football by myself.
I really am liking the friends I am making.
Jane Roommate forgot she had toes.

Mostly I do homework. And eat. And sleep.

We went to a really cool church on Sunday. The service was long and beautiful.

"For God alone my soul waits in silence." Psalm 62. That is being a real big part of my life right now.

Something else is that I keep trying to write. And it just comes out all squashed. I think it is because I feel a little squashed. By which I mean... Well... I think I mean that I don't feel full right now. I haven't found a church which is really throwing me off. And I just feel that I'm in between. In between what? I don't know. But there it is.

I want to write something like this:

"Homeward, these shoes worn to paper, thin as the reason I left here so young."

Iron & Wine.

Or this:

Pioneers! O Pioneers!

Or this:

Having A Coke With You

Or this:

Annabelle Lee.

Mostly i just want to write, but it's stuck in me.

Last thought. Today, I was reading my Christian Doctrine textbook. We are talking about humanity right now. You know, what it means to be made in the image of God, sin nature, the lot of it. And this bit struck me, "To be in God's image means to hear God's word and to respond obediently to the will of God, living one's life coram Deo, before the face of God, faithfully reflecting God's character and concerns in the world." Faithfully reflecting God's character and concerns in the world. Am I doing that as a Christian?

What is God's character? That question is beyond what I can answer, but there are a few things I do know about Him. He is beyond and within, above and beside. He is holy, perfect, glorious. He is beyond our conception. He is a mystery. He is kind. He is love. He is humble and huge, patient and jealous. He is paradoxical and yet He is the only way that things make sense. 

Perhaps the most important way we should convey His character is by love. Christians are to be known by their love. (John 13:34-35) So I suppose it would be good for me to start by loving fully and unconditionally, to focus less and less on myself and my needs and wants and desires and more and more on the needs and wants and desires of others. I really suck at that.

What are God's concerns? He has many of course, but to me, some of the most prominent ones in scripture are for the poor, the orphan, the widow. (James 1:27)

What am I doing for the poor, the orphan, the widow? Not much. I have been spending most of my time trying to make friends so that I would feel comfortable, trying to live so that I don't have to face anything beyond me. I'm far, far too focused on me.

Forgive me, Jesus. And use me, please.

Sorry this blog is so long.