Morphed & Mindy.

Lately, I have been doing a really bad thing.

It is the thing of equating my future spouse with Jesus.

Note: I know that it is not guaranteed that I will have a spouse. I’m okay with that. I have, though, been feeling more and more called to marriage lately. Not like I need to get hitched tomorrow, but like God is preparing me to grow with and submit to the man of His choosing, and like I could use a strong spiritual leader in this life-o-mine. All that to say that for the sake of this blog post I am going to speak as though there is an actual husband in my future.

ANYWAY, this man that I will marry, well, he won’t be Jesus. It’s one of those things about humanity. He’s not going to be that.

And that is where my issue is.

My thinking has become so morphed, and just blatantly wrong. I’ve begun to think of him as Jesus.

I expect him to forgive me,

I expect him to accept me,

I expect him to make me feel valued,

I expect him to redeem me,

To lead me,

To make me grow,

To teach me,

To rebuke me,

To change me,

To fix me.

And while, yes, I want my future husband to forgive me, accept me, rebuke me, etc, I cannot expect that I will one day get married and suddenly all of these needs will be provided for.

I cannot expect another human being, no matter how much he may love me, to fix all of the issues that come together to be me.

I think I expect him to be some sort of priest. Like, when I’m married, I’ll be able to confess all my sins I’ve ever done to him and then I will be free from guilt, but the truth is that I am already free from guilt. The Lord has taken all my sin, and though I am an awful, awful person, he has forgiven me, and I no longer have to feel the weight of my guilt. I don’t know why I let myself forget that.

I know this must sound ridiculous, because explicitly stated, it just sounds dumb, but my hope for a partner has somehow gotten so deeply embedded in my psyche that this good gift has been perverted into a ridiculous expectation.

Here’s the truth:

A husband cannot forgive me,

A husband cannot accept me,

A husband cannot make me feel valued,

A husband cannot redeem me,

He can’t lead me,

He can’t make me grow,

He can’t teach me,

He can’t rebuke me,

He can’t change me,

He can’t fix me.

Not without Christ.

And that’s probably not a startling new insight, but I just needed to say it, I just needed to say it out loud (or rather, type it on my computer) that my thinking is broken. And it’s taking over.

This makes me think of a story my pastor told once.

One day his wife sat up in bed and just said, “Dave, you’re not Jesus.”

And it was a turning point in their marriage. She realized that she couldn’t expect him to save her, that he couldn’t be the greatest thing she lived for. He realized the same.

And I think about that all the time.

And this Advent, I don’t want to be focused on waiting for a human husband to fix me, but on waiting on the return of a divine Savior who has already fixed me, and at the same time is in the process of doing so, who knew my flaws and chose me anyway, who has forgiven me, accepted me, valued me, redeemed me, led me, grown me, taught me, rebuked me, changed me, fixed me.

I want to wait on that Guy.

Cheers.

Also, on an unrelated note, I made a Freaky Friday Soundtrack YouTube playlist tonight. Keepin it classy, keepin it real. Link to the Magic.

Ephemeral.

I got a lot of things on my brain.
Just none that want to be blogged.
Sorry I got all dicey on ya.
Apparently "archipelago" is pronounced ark-ih-pehl-ih-go. Talk about a paradigm shift.

College.

How To Fix Your Restaurant Guacamole.

Yesterday, my roommate and I went to a Mexican restaurant and ordered queso and guacamole. We had built the event up quite a bit in our minds and were looking forward to a delicious meal.
Bad news. The guac sucked.
It was creamy and fresh, but it savored strongly of onion powder, and lots of it. It had the most bitter taste. And aftertaste.
Just awful.
But this blog is not about the despair of the moment, but of the remedy!
After a few miserable bites, I grabbed the pepper, then the salt. A touch of pepper and a good deal of salt took care of all but the aftertaste. We mixed it around and it healed the poor pitiable dip a good deal.
But the aftertaste still screamed onion powder.
Then, after a moment of gathering our courage, we asked the waitress for some limes. This is where the true operation occurred. I squeezed both limes into the concoction, and soon the guacamole was as delightful as would it have been had I made it myself.
Dee-lightful.

Home Is Where The Hedge Is.

Well, howdy do.
I'm all moved in for my sophomore year of college, and we have finished decorating our wonderfully homey room. Not to brag or anything, but all the girls on our hallway have been coming in for inspiration. Anyway, I thought you all back home might enjoy some pictures.
Daddy, if you're reading this, show Momma. She'll want to see.

Emily and I chose to go with "I Love Lucy" style beds. And we love them. I think my favorite part is that they are close enough so that we can hold hands and pray together every night before we fall asleep.

This is my bed. Above it are a photo my talented friend Haley took, a series of pictures I drew of Abraham Lincoln in space, and my counselor of the week medal from camp.

I hung up a few encouraging bits of lovely next to my bed on my armoire. You can call it a wardrobe. Here is what is there: A drawing of me labeled "Betty", a picture of a camper, the gospel in 142 words essentially, courtesy of David Platt, my prayer list, a picture of my folks, and Ezekiel 3:6&7, which I am using as a sort of "mission statement" for this year.

This is my lovely picture wall. If you can't read the words on the left, they are something my pastor said today, "He will always do what He said He'll do, and that is making much of Himself in our lives." Beauty and truth.

Our media corner, if you will. You may have noticed that we have a VHS player. I take much pride in that.

And finally, our exceptionally cozy green chair perfectly paired with a pencil drawing of The Great Robert Zimmerman. Doesn't it look like a dream?

You are welcome anytime!

Hallelujah.

"The pre-existent, eternal Son of God, second person of the Trinity, there before the foundation of the world, He committed the ultimate act of condescending grace, and He came into the world, put on a robe of human flesh, and was born in a barn in Bethlehem as a baby. That’s incarnation. He took on the robe of human flesh to live the life, to keep the law on our behalf, to live the life we could not live, and then, just as we talked about, He died the death we deserved to die, He paid the price for lawbreakers in His death, and then He rose, conquering the enemy that we could not conquer, sin and death. And in that, He mad a way for sinners to be saved, and there is no greater wonder in all of history than that."
David Platt.

For my birthday present, I would love for you to watch this sermon. It's beautiful.
Glory Be.
The one to listen to is the one entitled, "Undeserving Sinners United and Sustained by Unfathomable Mercy." Thank you!
All glory, honor, and power is His.

Fruition.

This summer was a blast and a half. I was so surrounded by such spiritually encouraging people. Spending every day with the other counselors on the Orange Team has focused my heart so much on Christ. Their devotion to glorifying God and loving well has made my heart strong.

This is Kristin. I will not see her for a year as she will be in Ireland.
My heart is sick, but she is doing God's things.

God has been moving and shaking this summer, and I'm having a hard time leaving it behind. I feel so used by God in the summer, and not so much during the school year. I'm preparing myself for it not to be that way this year. I need to be glorifying God every moment. That's my purpose, you know. Just ask my campers. One of my favorite things this summer was asking the room at large, "Why are we here?" and hearing, "TO GLORIFY GOD!" Good stuff.
Right now I'm getting my heart ready for a move. Here is something I read on my pal Mary Palmer's blog that I am quite considering for the coming moments:

Soon shall close the earthly mission,
Swift shall pass thy pilgrim days,
Hope soon change to glad fruition,
Faith to sight, and prayer to praise.

It reminds me of my reason. Hallelujah.

Thanks for being my friend. Here's a special treat. Alaska Moose Head.

I Somehow See What's Beautiful In Things That Are Ephemeral.

Every time I get happy someplace, I have to leave.
It's okay, but it's a workout.

Completely Spontaneous Blog Post.

Jane Roommate.

So, we didn't rush. Obviously.

Also, I will make these for my possible one-day children. Or for someone's children. Anyone's children.

Horrible News!

You will not believe the awful news I received today. Kids out there don't know about two of the greatest performers--nay, artists--known to man.

Cameron: Yeah, well you look like Mary Kate and Ashley!
Fourth Grade Girls: Who's THAT?
Cameron + I: ??!!!

What is this world coming to?

Rivers & Roads.

Have you ever noticed how much harder it is to be rational and friendly and kind when you are in pain? I don't want this to be a complaining time. Because, as we all know, complaining sucks. For everyone involved. But, that said, my stomach hurts. All the time. Every time I eat. This is a bad thing. And, most importantly, it is taking a growing effect on my personality. Ick. There is lots of laying down involved. I have even, dare I say it, been a bit snarky at times. (Can you imagine?)
What I'm saying is: sorry'boutit. But actually, I'm sorry about it.

FACT: One of my favorite things about Emily Snyder, one of my top dudes, is that when we are listening to music she has never heard before, she sings along. It gives me confidence in my soul when she does this. You're probably jealous of me just for knowing her.
So help me, she is the finest thing since packaged fruit.

Space. Space. Space. Space.

Camp starts Tuesday. Boom.
My mind is blown. Swearsies. I'm anxious about camp. Both anxious-nervous and anxious-excited. I used to think I was a really good counselor. Then I think my britches grew. Or something. (The idea is I'm not too big for them anymore.) I just am anxious about whether I'm worthy to be leading these kids. I just keep reminding myself that God's power is made perfect in weakness.
Also, good news, my bench is loaded. Alicia and Hannah are the other two counselors on my team, and they are going to be star players. I'm trying to ready myself for God to do big things in/through us. Want to be praying for our kids? And us? That'd be nice.
Our room is decorated like space, so that's obviously good news. Also, Abraham Lincoln is involved. We're planning on telling the kids he was the first President in space. Gotta give the people what they want.
Did you know they're shutting down NASA? Worst news I ever heard. Apparently we're closing up shop. What would John F. say? Or Buzz? Or Neil? Or Tom Hanks?
Anyway, that's about all I have to say.

"Prophet, Brother, Priest, and King!"
Those are things that Jesus is. Sufjan sings about it in "Get Real, Get Right." If you don't like The Age of Adz, you are wrong. It might be my favorite Sufjan album.

RIP NASA.

Words Are Just Futile Devices.

"You have left me wordless," he said.

We glanced at each other, suppressing our budding grins. Emily's hands immediately fell to wringing each other, her eyes fixed on the bit of skin between her left thumb and pointer finger. Emily has said herself that she has a high tolerance for awkward, but this moment was getting to even her.
We had just handed over our gifts to Dr. Jonathan Thorndike. They were simply wrapped, a plain ribbon tied around each. We had each offered him two books, beautiful books we knew he would enjoy, and we had each written him a note thanking him for being a beautifully brilliant professor. Dr. Thorndike was our Ancient World professor and is one of the heads of the Honors Program. He signs all of his emails JT and is very, very gesticulate. (Sometimes he gets so excited about an Ancient World subject that he starts bouncing.) Dr. Thorndike was our favorite professor and we just wanted to offer him something to show him how much he meant to us.
The Problem: Emily and Dr. Thorndike are probably tied for the most awkward person on earth. They are both very precious in their awkwardness, but quite awkward just the same. Me, I run from awkward, fast. If i get into an awkward situation, I either just begin talking non stop about Lord-knows-what, or I leave. I'm kind of a person who likes to fix things. I guess my thoughts in an increasingly awkward scenario are: This is awkward. If I start talking really fast and way too much, then maybe all of the awkward will go away. If not, I should leave. Immediately. I hate to ruin the ending, but it doesn't usually work.
So, back to the story. Emily and Dr. Thorndike were sitting, relishing, I suppose, the awkward of the moment. They were in their element, I tell you. Both of them fumbling over sentences, trying to express their mutual gratitude. I just started talking. To be honest, I don't remember what I said, but I was clearly following Option A of the R.M. Kennedy Awkward Survival Guide. (Yes, I italicized that. The joke is that it's a book title. Get it?)
I gushed for a few minutes, and finally realized that it wasn't making anything better. (Surprise!) So, naturally, it was time for Option B. "Well, Emily and I have to get to lunch..." I was saving her from the sinking ship, too. We exchanged a few more muttered "thank you"s and were off.
Emily and I giggled all the way to the caf. Despite the ominous feeling of having, shall we say, less-than-aced our final, we were giddy. We were treating our conversation with Dr. Thorndike as if we were 7th graders who'd just talked to a dreamy boy.
Dr. Thorndike is such a great professor, and that awkwardness is what we love about him. We are honored to have been his students. Now I keep wishing I had stayed in the room for a few more awkward hems and haws.

This is us with Dr. Thorndike at the Parthenon.
Try and tell me he's not great.

Good Night & Good Luck.

This is a word to/about my church.

Dear Ethos,
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I just want to say that I am the most thankful for Ethos Church. It is a church filled with people that know how to love others well and how to love God well. I have seen His truth demonstrated so much in what Ethos has done and been this semester, and I am going to hate being away for three months. Every week, by Tuesday I start to get a hankering in my gut for Ethos, but I always have to wait a week. A whole summer may be the death of me.
Though you may not read this, thank you, Dave, and thank you, Brandon, for the leadership and truth you provide there. And, thank you church people for your honesty in worship and in prayer and in living for God. You are all beautiful. I am honored to be a part of you and to have been loved by you.
It has been a privilege to love our Lord and Savior with you.
Love,
Becca.

That's it.

Fool Me, Fool Me, Go On & Fool Me.

You know that one part of the song "Fix You" by the band Coldplay? The part that says "I promise you that I will learn from your mistakes."

I always pretend that it says, "I promise you that I will love all of your mistakes."

I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Say This Like a Secret to Everyone.

Something my prayer book told me:

While we sat in darkness, Lord Jesus Christ, you interrupted us with your life. Make us, your people, a holy interruption so that by your Spirit's power we may live as a light to the nations, even as we stumble through this world's dark night. Amen.

Beautiful and True.

This blog is going to be a list. It is a list of all the things I am excited about, in order of appearance.

1. Tomorrow I am going to do mini babysitting! I love babies, and I miss them, and it's been too long.
2. Tomorrow, I am going with my friends Emily, Zeke, and Blake to Atlanta, Georgia. I am excited just to be in the car and then to get there and to have good food. The best news is that once we get there, we are going to play cards! If I forget the cards, I will cry.
3. Saturday, those same kids (Emily, Blake, Zeke, and I) are going to Six Flags Over Georgia! Hooray! We are going to pack lunches and ride all the rides. Except maybe the Three Ninjas one. Ouch.
4. One week from tomorrow, I am going home! I miss my mom a bushel and a peck. And the rest of them, too. I think I will be talking a mile a minute the whole weekend.
5. A week from Sunday, my brother's getting baptized. I love baptisms. We just had some at Ethos (my church) last week, and it was straight from the Lord.
6. Then, the next Wednesday, I am coming home again. And this time, I'm bringing my cool friend Emily. You'd like her. She's not a moron.
7. It is going to be Easter. I am looking forward to this one as if Christ is actually going to rise April 24th. Good news though. He did it already. (He did it already, indeed!)

That is all I feel like listing today. Maybe I will tell you about my church. I love it. I fall in love with it more each time I go. My pastor is named Dave Clayton and he has a wife Sydney and a son. They are a family of champs.
This Sunday, we talked about God's wrath, which is cool because lots of people don't. We were in Revelation 14. Take a gander. My favorite thing he said was when we were talking about how people treat God's love, "We talk about God as though there's one characteristic of Him that's worth our praise." Then he said, "Every aspect of God is good."
Did you hear that? EVERY ASPECT OF GOD IS GOOD. Sorry that I'm yelling, but it's so true that it's hard to use my inside voice.
Something else lovely is this, "Their identity was no longer in their sin but in the God who cleansed them." That is right along the lines of all the guilt and redemption stuff I have been thinking about. It was just excellent.
I don't know. I'm not communicating it here as beautifully and as truly as Dave did, but after church, I was in awe at the truth that had been proclaimed. I love my church.
The last thing Dave did before dismissing us was to pray over us that we would feel our guilt this week and that God would show us now what our faults are.
It was beautiful. And true. My two favorites.

Don't Be Distracted.

I know I've caused you trouble; 

I know I've caused you pain. 

But I must do the right thing,

I must do myself a favor and get real

Get right with the Lord.

I know I've lost my conscience;

I know I've lost all shame;

But I must do the right thing,

I must do myself a favor and get real

Get right with the Lord.

~Sufjan Stevens.

Also:

And when you crochet

I feel mesmerized and proud.

Sufjan and I have been getting to be best friends lately.

Sin and Guilt and Redemption and Peace.

Hi. Well. I think I'm just going to jump right in.

I have been thinking about guilt a lot lately. I've been thinking about sin and grace and redemption and justification, and how all of that works together.

James tells us that faith without works is dead (James 2). I think of it this way: If we don't have enough faith for Christ's will and commands to affect our lives, do we have any faith at all? It makes me think of Revelation 3:16. God would rather have our true devotion or our rejection than a faith so small that it does not even affect our lifestyle.

So, considering this passage, I have been very aware of my guilt. My sins have weighed heavily on me and have been hard to carry. Each time I stumble, I think, "Do I not have enough faith to follow God here?" This, I think, is good in a way. It seems rare that I actually feel my guilt; I am always excusing myself with my sin nature and with God's grace. But, it is important for there to be balance. If we focus only on our guilt and bury ourselves entirely in the fact that we have offended God, we will be blinded to God's most beautiful gift: redemption.

1 Corinthians 15:56+57 says, "The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ!

Then, verse 58 says, "Therefore my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain!"

(I added the !s, but how could I not?)

Jesus has conquered sin! He conquered it by giving us His marvelous grace. He freed us from sin by freeing us from guilt. BUT, like Paul points out, our freedom from guilt is no excuse to continue in sin. Jesus has conquered sin, and He has broken it and its power over us. We are free to sin no more!

And, despite the times we fall down, our redemption is sure.

This song has been encouraging me a lot lately: listen.

I am praying through a prayer book compiled by Shane Claiborne, Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove, and Enuma Okoro. Today's prayer finds me right where I am. I want to reproduce the whole thing here, but I'll just highlight a few things, although the juxtaposition of it all is brilliant.

Their interpretation of Psalm 130 included this:

If You, Lord, were to note what is done amiss, O Lord, who could stand? For there is forgiveness with you; therefore You shall be feared. I wait for the Lord; my soul waits for Him. In his word is my hope.

I love the bit about His forgiveness leading us to fear. Because of His mercy, we are drawn to fearing Him and glorifying Him.

The prayer ended with this:

Lord, mold us and form us into the kind of people you want us to be. Be patient with us when we fall short of what love demands of us. And give us patience with ourselves. Catch us in the arms of your grace.

Amen.

As Per 1 Corinthians 1.

Christ is:  my wisdom
                    my righteousness
                    my sanctification
                    my redemption.
He is everything smart in me.
He is everything good in me.
He is everything holy in me.
He is everything clean in me.

I HAVE NOTHING TO BOAST.

Amen.

I'll Have What They're Having.

Something that my Haley mentioned when she came to visit me was that in Hebrews 11 (you know the one that's called "The Hall of Faith"), it says that all of those faithful dudes died without having their hope fulfilled.
Specifically,
These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth.
Hebrews 11:13.
Okay, so there's that.
I've been reading, rather sporadically, in Hebrews lately. Want to know a secret?

                                                                           Before, I never even liked Hebrews. I know it's horrible to not like a book of the Bible, but I just couldn't get into it. Shhhhh.

Regardless, when I came to this, I remembered what Haley said, and I got excited. I know it's kind of a funny verse to get excited about. It's essentially saying, you can do all the right things and have faith and be didactic and search for peace or joy or truth, and regardless of all that, it may never show. You may never see it. Um, yay?
But for some reason it gives me hope. They strove for something, for Christ, and strove and strived and strove. (I looked it up. You can use strove OR strived.) And, they never got it. They waved at it from across a super-vast space. And they were exiles on the earth. They were eternally uncomfortable and never felt the peace of being at home.
But still, this verse makes me feel clean. Cause even if they only greeted their Prize from afar off, they did see Him. They saw the warmth in His eyes, and the truth in His hand, and the peace in His gaze.
AND, best part: they had a reason to live. It may have looked illegitimate to those who saw them die before this unrevealed something came to fruition, but it wasn't. They were ransomed from futility. This is one of my favorite themes, if you will, of Christianity: We are ransomed from our futile ways (1 Peter 1:18-19). And, we are called to no longer walk in them (Ephesians 4:17).
And that, baby doll, is why I love the rest of this little Bit-O-Hebrews (That is a play on Bit-O-Honey).
For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland.(!!) If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore, God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared for them a city.
Hebrews 11:14-16.
What I'm saying is that I want in on that.

True Pink Love.

One time on Valentine's Day when I was little, my mom dyed our milk pink.
I have always remembered that.
She's a nice lady.

Go Forth With A Warrior Spirit.

Know what I'm gonna see in four days?

This.

And this.

And this.

And this.

And this.

And this.

And a whole bunch of other awesome.

Want to know the most excellent thing?

The other day, when I parked in the parking deck, written in chalk on the wall in front of me was, "Go forth with a warrior spirit."

It's all I've been thinking about since. And all I've been doing.
Also, we went swing dancing.

EXPLOSION.

Today I will tell you secrets. For extras.

1. I bought jeggings today. How's your mind? Blown?
2. I watch Grey's Anatomy. Don't tell anybody that one. It's really embarrassing.
3. I think Delaware doesn't exist. (Not a secret.)
4. I once had a fight with my best friend that was entirely made up of cheek-pinching.
5. I'm afraid to get old. My grandma told me not to.

I want to have some free reading.

Oh! By golly, I've forgotten to tell you some of the best news.
I've got a Bible study. Hooray!
It is small and lovely. It is made up of my friends Hillary, Rachel, and Emily, and also of me. Others are invited, but they don't usually come. Also, for the record, everyone is invited, I think.
We are reading the book of Radical by one Mr. David Platt.
He's mighty nifty. I like his view of the gospel.
I love these girls, and it has been super cool the last two weeks. It's only going to get  better from here, I tell you.

Have you read The Knowledge of the Holy by A.W. Tozer? (I always want to call him A Dubs Toes. Don't ask me why.) I want to read it. Tonight.
But alas, I will read about Buddhism.

Goodnight, one and all.

On writing.

“If you practice an art, be proud of it and make it proud of you. It may break your heart, but it will fill your heart before it breaks it; it will make you a person in your own right.”

Maxwell Anderson.


It's been a long time since I wrote writing in a spiral notebook.

Heavy & Many.

There are a lot of trials today.
I have so many people on my heart.
I'm reminded of the heaviness of so many people's burdens, so many of my people's burdens.
Trials are heavy and many.

And also, I am reminded of the heaviness of my failures.
So many times I have chosen to hurt people when I could have chosen to love.
So many times I have chosen to break people when I could have built them up.
So many times I have chosen uncleanness over purity, cruelty over love, rebellion over submission.
My failures are heavy and many.

Today, my grandpa is moving. He is moving to the nursing care part of the retirement home he lives in. When he moves to nursing care, he can no longer live with my grandma, his wife of sixty-odd years.
They love each other. A lot of the the time, they suck at showing each other that, but they love each other with a love beyond what I can say. They have been married for three times as long as I have been alive. They depend on each other, but they've gotten to the point where they can't support their own selves anymore, much less one another.
They are tired.
But today, my mom and dad have to move my grandpa from the hospital where he has been staying since something happened last week that caused his health and awareness to decline immensely. I don't know how my parents do it.
They have been so faithful to Meemaw and Peepaw.
My mother takes care of them so well. She cares so well. She is a person who gives so much of herself, but she doesn't even realize how much she gives. She doesn't really think about it. The natural response for her is to care, and to give of herself, and to serve. She doesn't realize how beautifully sacrificial she is.
My dad has been there for them so much. He has had to make decisions for them, uncomfortable decisions that have upset them. He has been willing to do what is best for them even when it hurt, even when they weren't happy about it, even when it felt too heavy to bear. He has loved them in one of the hardest ways to love.
My grandpa, needless to say, is not happy about moving. But this is something else that my parents will do for his good. Because their love is so strong.

I have them on my heart today. And so many other people, too.
I want to do something, to lift them, to be there. For all of them.
But I'm not. So I'm here, blogging.

Paint My Spirit Gold.

Sometimes I am sad, and sometimes I am happy.
Regardless, I am almost always being.
Except when I'm not.
Profound, right?
No.
But that's okay.


I hope you are feeling blessed today.
Want to know what's been in my head all day?

Praise Him,
Praise Him,
Praise Him in the morning,
Praise Him in the noontime,
Praise Him,
Praise Him,
Praise Him when the sun goes down.





Except in little foreign baby voices. There is a version that occurs in the movie The Darjeeling Limited that is some India babies singing it.
I think it is in my head mostly because I listened to it this morning.
But also because the thing I want to do with my life is teach babies from another country to praise Him.


Don't you want to, too?

And Tasty, Too!

Something cool that Ezekiel did was eat a scroll.
(We are talking about the kind of Ezekiel that is in the Bible.)
He was having a vision, the way that prophets do, and God said, "Eat this scroll, and go, speak to the house of Israel."
The next verse says, "So I opened my mouth, and He gave me this scroll to eat."
He just ate it. I like that Ezekiel wasn't like, "What in the dickens are you talking about?" or, "Can you pass the salt?" (I apologize for that stupid joke. My head hurts, if that explains the lack of hilarity.) Anyways, I like that he just said, as if it were the most matter-of-fact thing in the world, "Then I ate it." Then again, I guess if you are staring God's splendor full in the face, you pretty much eat whatever He says to.

Anyway. My favorite part is when Ezekiel says, "Then I ate it, and it was in my mouth as sweet as honey."
For the record, the scroll was a scroll that talked about God's wrath and judgment. But the truth and the holiness and the purity of it was sweet. Because what God does is good.
Ezekiel delighted in God's word. He did it in a bit of a different way than I'm looking to, but he delighted.
I would quite like to delight in the law of the Lord, in the judgment of the Lord, in the mercy of the Lord, but a lot of times, my spirit is too sleepy to feel much of anything.

Restore to me the joy of my salvation.
Remember that kid who ate Maurice Sendak's picture? I want to be that kid about scripture.
She saw it, she loved it, she ate it.

Upon My Return.

Can I tell you something?
I love, love, lovelovelove, school. And learning. And reading.
It just gives me joy straight to my bones.
That is why I am a teense giddy tonight. Classes start tomorrow! That is
                                                                                                                    beyond incredible to                                                                                                                         me.

Plus also, I am so excited about my classes this semester.
Ancient World. This class is going to be a really big challenge. I can already tell. But I have also heard so many good things about the professor and his teaching style. We're reading things by Plato and Socrates, and, oh, you know, the Iliad. I'm taking this one with my friend Emily, who I think is just a star.
World Religions. I'm excited about that one, too. I just know it's going to line up so well with what I want to do with my life. See, I'm gonna be in the world, and I'll be dealing with religion, so, you see the connection.
British Lit. Also known as my favorite thing in the world.
Theories of Writing. Most of you who read this probably already know how very very much I love to write. I'm so ready to hone and develop those skills.
Math. Eh. Not my strong suit. But I am so determined to do well in this class. It's not calculus, and I just feel so sure that it's going to be something I can wrap my head around. I am confident in me! (Thanks Julie Andrews.)

Also, may I tell you about my pleasure reading list I am determined to make time for this semester?
Why thank you.
1. The Catcher in the Rye. J.D. Salinger.
2. Of Mice and Men. John Steinbeck.
3. Radical. David Platt. (I know, everyone's doing it, right?)
4. Woody Allen: A Biography. Eric Lax.
This list is very exciting to me, I tell you.

More cool news: Today, in the mail, I got a subpoena! Bet that wasn't what you were expecting. Perhaps you remember this little incident, no? Well I do, and so does the state of Tennessee. I actually don't think it was technically a subpoena, but it referred to a subpoena that I might receive. That's right, internet, I may testify in court. Just exactly like Law & Order. I hope I do, honestly. People should not drive drunk. The girl nearly killed us.

It's been really good to be back. I've been getting to spend some excellent quality time with my school friends. I kind of forgot how much I like them. I'm really thankful for every one of them, and for how much like home these last few days have felt. My friends, I think, are beautiful. Here is something, though, that I am determined to do this semester: find a Bible study. I really need to have Jesus poured into me, and to pour Him into others. It gets dark without Him. If you want to, you can pray for me to find one. I'd love you forever and ever.

Well, I've got to get to bed. School in the morning!
Goodnight, and good luck.

P.S. Here is something I want you to think about: Leon. More on that later.

Good Old Golden Rule Days.

Hi! Well, I am back at Belmont now with a new semester about to begin. I am so, so very excited about starting classes. I love being in school. Which perhaps makes me a dork.
So, Here's my schedule. For free and everything.

Monday.
9-9:50. Math.
1-1:50. World Religions.
2-2:50. British Lit.

Tuesday.
9:30-10:50. Math.
11-12:15. Ancient World.
12:30-1:45. Theories of Writing.

Wednesday.
9-9:50. Math.
11-11:50. Ancient World.
1-1:50. World Religions.
2-2:50. British Lit.

Thursday.
11-12:15. Ancient World.
12:30-1:45. Theories of Writing.

Friday.
9-9:50. Math.
11-11:50. Ancient World.
1-1:50. World Religions.
2-2:50. British Lit.

Boom Shacka Lacka.

And We'll Talk in Present Tenses.

I've been thinking about that one Joni Mitchell song, Chelsea Morning a lot lately. Particularly because of the line that is also the title of this here blog.
Here's another bit of that song that tells me how I feel.
"Oh, won't you stay? We'll put on the day, and we'll wear it til the night comes."


So, subject change.
I'm watching a television program called Sister Wives. It is making me want to be physically sick. It is about four women who are married to the same man. They sit there and talk about their problems and their insecurities. They fault themselves on their jealousy issues. They are all married to one man. The jealousy issues are not the problem, perhaps the sanity issues. I just don't understand these people. There's no way to deepen your insecurities like, oh, I don't know, letting your husband marry three other women.
Wait--this just in. The man just said it would be vulgar were the first wife to have another husband.

Also:
There was a commercial for a metal detector. The man said, "My wife always said I should get a hobby. She's proud of the weight I've lost, but she's really proud of this." He then proceeded to display a totally awesome ring that he was sweet enough to dig out of the ground for his almost certainly lovely wife. Cool. Weight loss and love. All in one. Score.

Maybe this is how I feel: