Morphed & Mindy.

Lately, I have been doing a really bad thing.

It is the thing of equating my future spouse with Jesus.

Note: I know that it is not guaranteed that I will have a spouse. I’m okay with that. I have, though, been feeling more and more called to marriage lately. Not like I need to get hitched tomorrow, but like God is preparing me to grow with and submit to the man of His choosing, and like I could use a strong spiritual leader in this life-o-mine. All that to say that for the sake of this blog post I am going to speak as though there is an actual husband in my future.

ANYWAY, this man that I will marry, well, he won’t be Jesus. It’s one of those things about humanity. He’s not going to be that.

And that is where my issue is.

My thinking has become so morphed, and just blatantly wrong. I’ve begun to think of him as Jesus.

I expect him to forgive me,

I expect him to accept me,

I expect him to make me feel valued,

I expect him to redeem me,

To lead me,

To make me grow,

To teach me,

To rebuke me,

To change me,

To fix me.

And while, yes, I want my future husband to forgive me, accept me, rebuke me, etc, I cannot expect that I will one day get married and suddenly all of these needs will be provided for.

I cannot expect another human being, no matter how much he may love me, to fix all of the issues that come together to be me.

I think I expect him to be some sort of priest. Like, when I’m married, I’ll be able to confess all my sins I’ve ever done to him and then I will be free from guilt, but the truth is that I am already free from guilt. The Lord has taken all my sin, and though I am an awful, awful person, he has forgiven me, and I no longer have to feel the weight of my guilt. I don’t know why I let myself forget that.

I know this must sound ridiculous, because explicitly stated, it just sounds dumb, but my hope for a partner has somehow gotten so deeply embedded in my psyche that this good gift has been perverted into a ridiculous expectation.

Here’s the truth:

A husband cannot forgive me,

A husband cannot accept me,

A husband cannot make me feel valued,

A husband cannot redeem me,

He can’t lead me,

He can’t make me grow,

He can’t teach me,

He can’t rebuke me,

He can’t change me,

He can’t fix me.

Not without Christ.

And that’s probably not a startling new insight, but I just needed to say it, I just needed to say it out loud (or rather, type it on my computer) that my thinking is broken. And it’s taking over.

This makes me think of a story my pastor told once.

One day his wife sat up in bed and just said, “Dave, you’re not Jesus.”

And it was a turning point in their marriage. She realized that she couldn’t expect him to save her, that he couldn’t be the greatest thing she lived for. He realized the same.

And I think about that all the time.

And this Advent, I don’t want to be focused on waiting for a human husband to fix me, but on waiting on the return of a divine Savior who has already fixed me, and at the same time is in the process of doing so, who knew my flaws and chose me anyway, who has forgiven me, accepted me, valued me, redeemed me, led me, grown me, taught me, rebuked me, changed me, fixed me.

I want to wait on that Guy.

Cheers.

Also, on an unrelated note, I made a Freaky Friday Soundtrack YouTube playlist tonight. Keepin it classy, keepin it real. Link to the Magic.

Ephemeral.

I got a lot of things on my brain.
Just none that want to be blogged.
Sorry I got all dicey on ya.
Apparently "archipelago" is pronounced ark-ih-pehl-ih-go. Talk about a paradigm shift.

College.

How To Fix Your Restaurant Guacamole.

Yesterday, my roommate and I went to a Mexican restaurant and ordered queso and guacamole. We had built the event up quite a bit in our minds and were looking forward to a delicious meal.
Bad news. The guac sucked.
It was creamy and fresh, but it savored strongly of onion powder, and lots of it. It had the most bitter taste. And aftertaste.
Just awful.
But this blog is not about the despair of the moment, but of the remedy!
After a few miserable bites, I grabbed the pepper, then the salt. A touch of pepper and a good deal of salt took care of all but the aftertaste. We mixed it around and it healed the poor pitiable dip a good deal.
But the aftertaste still screamed onion powder.
Then, after a moment of gathering our courage, we asked the waitress for some limes. This is where the true operation occurred. I squeezed both limes into the concoction, and soon the guacamole was as delightful as would it have been had I made it myself.
Dee-lightful.

Home Is Where The Hedge Is.

Well, howdy do.
I'm all moved in for my sophomore year of college, and we have finished decorating our wonderfully homey room. Not to brag or anything, but all the girls on our hallway have been coming in for inspiration. Anyway, I thought you all back home might enjoy some pictures.
Daddy, if you're reading this, show Momma. She'll want to see.

Emily and I chose to go with "I Love Lucy" style beds. And we love them. I think my favorite part is that they are close enough so that we can hold hands and pray together every night before we fall asleep.

This is my bed. Above it are a photo my talented friend Haley took, a series of pictures I drew of Abraham Lincoln in space, and my counselor of the week medal from camp.

I hung up a few encouraging bits of lovely next to my bed on my armoire. You can call it a wardrobe. Here is what is there: A drawing of me labeled "Betty", a picture of a camper, the gospel in 142 words essentially, courtesy of David Platt, my prayer list, a picture of my folks, and Ezekiel 3:6&7, which I am using as a sort of "mission statement" for this year.

This is my lovely picture wall. If you can't read the words on the left, they are something my pastor said today, "He will always do what He said He'll do, and that is making much of Himself in our lives." Beauty and truth.

Our media corner, if you will. You may have noticed that we have a VHS player. I take much pride in that.

And finally, our exceptionally cozy green chair perfectly paired with a pencil drawing of The Great Robert Zimmerman. Doesn't it look like a dream?

You are welcome anytime!

Hallelujah.

"The pre-existent, eternal Son of God, second person of the Trinity, there before the foundation of the world, He committed the ultimate act of condescending grace, and He came into the world, put on a robe of human flesh, and was born in a barn in Bethlehem as a baby. That’s incarnation. He took on the robe of human flesh to live the life, to keep the law on our behalf, to live the life we could not live, and then, just as we talked about, He died the death we deserved to die, He paid the price for lawbreakers in His death, and then He rose, conquering the enemy that we could not conquer, sin and death. And in that, He mad a way for sinners to be saved, and there is no greater wonder in all of history than that."
David Platt.

For my birthday present, I would love for you to watch this sermon. It's beautiful.
Glory Be.
The one to listen to is the one entitled, "Undeserving Sinners United and Sustained by Unfathomable Mercy." Thank you!
All glory, honor, and power is His.

Fruition.

This summer was a blast and a half. I was so surrounded by such spiritually encouraging people. Spending every day with the other counselors on the Orange Team has focused my heart so much on Christ. Their devotion to glorifying God and loving well has made my heart strong.

This is Kristin. I will not see her for a year as she will be in Ireland.
My heart is sick, but she is doing God's things.

God has been moving and shaking this summer, and I'm having a hard time leaving it behind. I feel so used by God in the summer, and not so much during the school year. I'm preparing myself for it not to be that way this year. I need to be glorifying God every moment. That's my purpose, you know. Just ask my campers. One of my favorite things this summer was asking the room at large, "Why are we here?" and hearing, "TO GLORIFY GOD!" Good stuff.
Right now I'm getting my heart ready for a move. Here is something I read on my pal Mary Palmer's blog that I am quite considering for the coming moments:

Soon shall close the earthly mission,
Swift shall pass thy pilgrim days,
Hope soon change to glad fruition,
Faith to sight, and prayer to praise.

It reminds me of my reason. Hallelujah.

Thanks for being my friend. Here's a special treat. Alaska Moose Head.

I Somehow See What's Beautiful In Things That Are Ephemeral.

Every time I get happy someplace, I have to leave.
It's okay, but it's a workout.